So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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