We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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