she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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