Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
