This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
