it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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