Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
