Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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