Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
