you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
