Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
