I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
