nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
