I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm like, not good at living.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
