2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
