make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
