If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
