her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
