Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We talked him into tasing himself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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