Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize