I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
