Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
