They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
