i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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