there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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