Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
