At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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