Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize