How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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