im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
4 words: hood of his car
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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