how can u be prego again
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
