it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When did angry sex become our thing?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
