Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize