Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
