i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I deserve this hangover.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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