so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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