you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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