went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
