Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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