4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
