Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
