Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
