Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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