honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
