Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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