Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
