singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
