NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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