you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
