At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
