Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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