Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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