he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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