**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize