just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i barfeds in our rink
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
