ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
