ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
