I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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