Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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