last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
