Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
