You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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