Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
