My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
