Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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