I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
