Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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