how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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