I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
