im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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