apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
