Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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