ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
